Hello, my league members and millions of adoring fans – it is I. Before I get into last week and this coming week, there is a a pressing issue at hand. I want to trade for a RB. I will gladly trade Rodgers. Yes, you heard correctly. I will trade anyone besides Antonio Brown but I haven’t been able to make a deal. So keep that in mind as you read.

Carey vs Colin (Matchup of The Week)
I picked Carey, was right.

Steven vs Me
I picked myself, was wrong.

Brad L vs Weston
I picked Brad, was wrong.

Brendan vs Xavi
Picked Brendan, was wrong.

Brad W vs Tyler
Picked Brad, was right.

Andrew vs Tj
Picked Andrew, wrong. Said Bortles needed to throw short TDs to Robinson for him to win but forgot to account for the possibility of him throwing three INTs.

 

8-13, but plenty of football left. 2 out of 3 moneyballs, though. Now I’m just making up stats to help my case…

 

Matchup of The Week: Charles Schwab Series 7 vs Brad “the poop” Williamson
Tyler vs Andrew

Andrew suffered an excruciating loss to Tj last week, but this week gets to field his secret weapon in LeVeon Bell. With Bell, Forte, Landry and Fitzgerald it isn’t unreasonable to assume that Andrew thinks we are playing PPR. Whatever the case may be, Andrew didn’t expect selling off Gronk would lead to a 1-2 record. On the Tyler end of the spectrum, he is starting three running backs which is a feat unimaginable to me. ESPN and I agree that this will be the highest scoring matchup, which is the reason for my selection. I predict that the winner will be Andrew, even though ESPN does not agree with me there. He has the slightly better matchups in my opinion.

The Tom Hillier Experience vs Team Janice Whartenby
Me vs Carey

Going with me. Now now, I know this is a shocker because Rodgers has a bye but I went out and got Kirk Cousins earlier in the season to fill in this week against the Browns. Genius. Chris Ivory will prove his mettle this week and show that I do, indeed, have at least one viable running back. The Langford injury is a setback and the Coleman injury has been affecting my ability to make a good trade, but I am just that good and I will make it through this. But enough about Carey’s team…

Finger Friday vs Remember Tyler Berry
Brendan vs Brad L

Member Tyler Berry? Member he hardly wore shoes and liked to skip showers? Member? Oooh I member! And you know what? I member that Brendan is 0-3 and is now without what were likely to his first two picks in AP and Dez. Brad has some tough matchups too so I’m going to go ahead and say this will be the big stinker of the week. Probably not gonna member this game for very long. Brendan moves to 0-4.

Andrew Pooped His Pants vs Josh Gordon Is Coming
Weston vs Steven

Steven’s team is also starting three running backs (sadly we could not come to a head on a trade). I think he’s got a good team and I can’t see Weston’s toppling it this week. Buuuuuuuuut Toooooooooom Weston scored like a bajillion points last week. Listen here, voice of public opinion, so did Steven and he’s plugging and playing all the right guys lately. Tip of the cap to him and hopefully now I’m on his good side. Can I have an RB please?

Crook’s Trophy Shop vs Chips n’ Gronk
Brad W vs Xavi

Brad moved to 3-0 and gets a great Mike Wallace matchup with Jordy on bye. I do think that Xavi’s #mcm Andrew Luck is due for another big game in his resurgence campaign. Xavi should start looking for a defense since he is currently sporting an empty roster spot there. I am tempted to call the big upset and you know what? I’m gonna. Go get ’em Xav. Diggs can certainly do what DeSean did and Hopkins needs to be fed after being starved last week. I am assuming that Xavi is gonna flex Pryor and that he is just yet to tinker today.

Colin A “missing”person s vs NOMO ROMO
Colin vs Tj

It’s the Eagles bye week. Need I say more? The missing man is finally gonna register a win. Colin is playing the handcuff to Stewart and Tj is playing the handcuff to that handcuff. I also don’t believe that Michael’s great week will carry over against the Jets. Colin, however, has a banged up Julio and Brandon Marshall, but these two have storied careers of playing well in this condition. So, it is with a heavy heart that I announce, Tj will lose despite his best efforts.

Another great edition of #TomsPicksofTheWeek in the bag. Just remember, that I am actively looking for a RB. A good one, too. Member?